


Sincerely, Yours Forever

by sirknightmordred



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 22:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirknightmordred/pseuds/sirknightmordred
Summary: Remember me, fondly, not as I left you, but as I was with you.





	Sincerely, Yours Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Read tags please.

 It wasn’t planned. Not really. It was just a night. A normal night in September, a Wednesday of all days, but it was the day that Magnus Bane ended it all. He’s always been unsteady in so many ways, but now… It’s just too much. It’s too hard to keep going on like this and Magnus knows he has people to turn to. Like Raphael, Catarina… Alec… But he can’t. They’ll be okay without him. They will be. They have to be because he can’t do this anymore for anyone, especially for himself.

 The tears start to fall then as everything becomes blurry and unfocused. Magnus reaches out for the bottle and takes off the lid. There’s a moment, a moment of whether he should just close the lid and walk away, but he suppresses it. He pushes it down until it’s nothing. The tears turn into sobs, hot and angry as he swallows the first pill, then the next and the next and the next… There’s so many pills. Until there isn’t and it’s nothing. There is nothing. He knows no more and it is both horrible and relieving all at once.

 There are apologies and words unsaid, but not for long…

_Dearest Alexander,_

_I love you. I love you more than anything, but love is not enough sometimes. I feel all of these strings holding me back, holding me down, and I... I can't do it anymore. It's so difficult and hard and I know that you would do anything to help me. But there is nothing that can help me. I have been fighting this for so long, and I an so sorry, love, so sorry. Please remember that I do love you and I am sorry for everything that I've done, for the pain I'm going to cause you. I love you more than words, Alexander, but it's not enough..._

_I'm just so sorry, but it's too much. I can't do it anymore._

_For all of the memories we've shared, all of the love you've shown me, thank you. Thank you. You hhave the most honest and truest, kindess heart I've ever seen Alexander. Thank you for letting me see that. Thank you for showing me your heart... Now it's my turn to show you mine. And it's not pretty. I'm sorry for that too because you deserve pretty and good things. Not the ugliness that is within me. The shame that I carry._

_Remember me, fondly, not as I left you, but as I was with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Yours Forever,_

_Magnus_


End file.
